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100 Videos

You guessed it. Today is another moment of me reflecting because I have hit another milestone in my creator journey. Yesterday was my 100th Video which provided me for a chance to reflect on my creative journey and what it has given me. I started YouTube back on March 17th, 2020 to create a space to take in the moment, laugh, think, and start by making a community. That mission and ideal only grew from there to my wide range of creative ventures and I couldn't guess that that would be the path that I was about to embark on. Regardless, I am here, 100 videos later. It is truly hard to believe that I hit 100 (I know I did 50 in 10 weeks but still).

In the time I was creating videos, I have learned many new skills and got the chance to try new things. Some of what I produced wasn't good but I grew to understand that quality is not always important. Sometimes the act of just doing something is what is truly important because I wouldn't be able to grow as a creator without practice. A classic saying that comes to my mind is that "Practice makes permanent." I have to practice working my creative muscles for them to consistently work and I am proud of all I produced. I am mainly beaming with pride because I made a commitment to myself and I kept to that commitment and followed through more than a year later. I created something week after week and kept trying to rethink, relearn, and grow.

In addition to growing my skills as a creator this past year, I was able to learn that I am the only person who can give myself permission to be. I can only give myself permission to create and be a creator and be Alex. I can't wait for someone to give me the green light to tell me I belong in the industry or to tell me that I made it as an artist. No one else can do that except me. I realized that this massive endeavor of creating was my journey of proving to myself that I belong. I now realized I have always belonged and that what I was trying to learn was to give myself permission. Creating 100 videos wasn't easy and sometimes it sucked and wasn't fun. Throughout all of it, I found a way to give myself permission. So what I looked a little crazy. Who cares what people think about my blanket sketch. I had fun pretending to make my stuffed animals talk even though it might be a little "off-beat." I now realize it was on-beat for me and that is who I am.

I learned a lot on this journey and now the journey doesn't end here. There are more stories to write, videos to create, and blog posts to be written. I will continue finding ways to create community even as my schedule gets a little busier because I truly believe that this important. I am having fun, getting the chance to play, and get to find ways to enjoy life.

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