Moments have been at the forefront of my mind a lot this past year (I mean I think that is pretty clear). This moment, the pandemic moment, is slowly fading. Dates are being scheduled for cities to be fully open and masks mandates are being removed. All of this is something that was far far away this time last year. Now, all of sudden, we are here. I am having a hard time processing my emotions headed into the next moment. There is excitement, joy, anxiety, fear, concern, and of course hope. All of these feelings are highly present and they feel real. The optimism that I was reminding myself of constantly is coming to fruition. It feels real and I feel the excitement in my heart but, I am scared.
I am scared that this is a false taste of "freedom" and that we will be forced into another lockdown. I am afraid that the work we have been putting in is being forgotten and we are throwing our hands up and accepting defeat. While some of these are based on feeling, not science, it is still valid. The past year has been hard but, I keep looking to one of the things that got me through the pandemic. I keep looking up at the canvas that hangs proudly in my living room.
This is going to sound silly but, at times I looked at the canvas and thought, this is not a big deal. That thought trap is something I periodically fell into when working on the canvas and even when I look at the final product. The thing is it might not be a big deal to others but, I know it is a big deal to me because of what it represents. It represents connection, growth, community, creativity, hope, and the future. Each artist drew something on that canvas with meaning and intent even if the intent was "I like this," or "I think it looks pretty." Now when I look at that past moment, the canvas moment, it helps ground me for the next.
I can see the canvas as a rock that will keep me at bay and remind me of all the important things it kept showing me during the pandemic. The canvas hanging on my wall acts as a reminder and tells me where I came from and helps remind me where I am going. I don't know what the next right step is and I don't know what the best course of action might be but, what I do know is that I will be able to be in that moment and learn. I am trying not to map out my entire life and know every move I must make. I am trying to experience the moment as it comes and decide the right next thing when it is time. Sometimes it is hard to decide the next right thing and it can be scary but, I will remember what the canvas taught me.
The next moment is going to be a strange and exciting moment. It will also have its fair share of challenges but, that is all a given. The real thing that I will find out is how I experience this next moment. I might be scared but, I know I am ready. I have been preparing for this moment for a while now. So, let's go.
* The Canvas hanging on my living room wall