The answer to this question is a simple one. I am creating for myself. All of the projects I am and have been working on I started because it brought fulfillment into my life. After a while, I sometimes begin to lose sight as to why I originally started all of these fun creative projects. I first realized this with YouTube. When I started creating content on YouTube, I was trying to find light in a dark moment at the start of COVID. That is exactly what it did for me, it brought light into my life. But, as months continued to roll on, I began getting caught up in the surface level aspects of me creating content. I hit a moment when I started creating content for the wrong reasons. I was creating so I can be seen, known, and "impact" other people's lives. Do I want to have a positive impact on people's lives? Aboslutely. The issue with catering content to people versus creating content for myself is I begin to lose my voice. The content that is sometimes the most relatable and impactful is when it is created for no one in particular, it was created just to exist.
I know there were a couple of months throughout the pandemic that my voice disappeared and finding it again was a slight challenge. I had to constantly sit back down and ground myself as to why I am doing what I am doing. I believe that my blog and YouTube channel is a form of me dancing with no one else watching.... except there are people watching. That is my mindset because if I start becoming conscious of people watching me I will start putting on more of a performative act than producing authentic content while having fun.
When little kids have fun they don't care what they look like. Seeing them dance, play, or have fun you can tell that it is authentic fun. They don't hide their emotions, they live through their emotions. Seeing their joy brings many smiles to many people's faces because adults see their pure excitement and energy. Kids literally dance like no one is watching in front of people. They don't think about how they look because what they do is a direct product of what they are feeling, there is no masking. I am trying to do the same now. I am trying to find the confidence, joy, and excitement that kids find in their lives and live through that. Maybe, just maybe, if I live that way I can also have an impact on people. If I am not having fun and enjoying what I am doing, why am I doing it at all?
I am aware of the challenges I face. I know I will fall into the trap of counting likes, comments, and subscribers again but, I know what I have to do. I have to turn that music on and just dance because who cares what people think. If I am having fun and finding fulfillment, that is all that matters. Alexa, play Just Dance by Lady Gaga.
*Ways I dance like no one is watching
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